Trauma, that you may think was resolved long ago, can still have a surprising impact on your life today.
There was a clear demonstration of that problem with a couple I saw recently. They were having “communication problems.”
That phrase is in quotes because most couples I have seen throughout my career consider that the reason they come to counseling. For more information about relationships, check my other books.
Back to this couple. After 30 years together she was startled to discover that the reason she withdrew from a conversation came from mistreatment in 2 earlier marriages.
He wanted desperately to discuss solving various day to day problems and she enjoyed those conversations when they managed to have them. But often, she felt disrespected by his responses to her ideas.
Actually, he liked her ideas and challenged them to examine them more closely. She thought he was sending a message that she was stupid, so she withdrew.
Why this thought??? Two previous husbands had abused her in different ways, but both had frequently told her that she was stupid. Now, any hint of disagreement led to her own interpretation that she was stupid.
We created a target focusing on previous abuse. She felt better and he agreed to monitor himself and first say, “let’s discuss this.”
This paragraph is a comment I wrote about a passage on Page 82 of Letting It Go: Relieve Anxiety and Toxic Stress in Just a Few Minutes Using Only Words (Rapid Relief with Logosynthesis®.) You can see the passage in the book. You can also see the excerpt here. This link will take you to Bublish.com, where I regularly publish comments on parts of this book. This is a site where authors share of their work. You can subscribe to my musings, there, as well as to the musings of many other authors. It’s a great place to learn about new books and I recommend that you visit.