Three Different Things For You Today.
I have three things to share with you. First, I just finished an amazing book. If have a loved one or friend who has had a stroke or brain injury you need to read this one.
"My Stroke of Insight" by Jill Bolte Taylor, Ph.D., is a first person account of a brain scientist’s report of her own stroke and recovery of brain function over a 9-year period. It blew me away.
Second, I also want to share something that Jonathan wrote (Jon has reclaimed his birth name) as we were developing material to let people know that we are actively offering couples counseling again.
It was a spontaneous statement of why couples should come to us for counseling. It didn’t quite fit into the webpage we were designing, but I think it’s a wonderful restatement of our lives together.
"…we want to share what we’ve learned with you!
Why us?
There are hundreds of people offering relationship advice on the Internet, and thousands more offline. How are you going to know who to listen to, who to trust with the most important part of your life?
All these adviser have credentials; so do we. They have all probably talked to lots of different people; so have we.
So what’s different?
Very simple: we have been there AND we have applied our training, knowledge, theories, understandings, etc., to our own personal and business lives, and have lived to tell the tale.
We have been married (TO EACH OTHER) for over 48 years, and we have experienced, survived, and grown from almost everything that two people together will ever run into:
- Major and minor moves, career changes, failures and successes;
- Stagnation, new directions, changing roles;
- Separations, distance, infidelity;
- A stillborn child — our first;
- Births;
- Children growing, grown, moving out, succeeding, failing;
- Teenage runaways, drug abuse, and impressive achievements;
- The deaths of all four parents — long illnesses, nursing homes, suicide;
- Investment successes and miserable failures;
- Giving advice, getting advice, using advice, ignoring advice, regretting advice;
- Laughing, yelling, grieving, plodding, creating, committing, sharing;
- Getting older, loving it and hating it.
Sometimes we think that the only important experience we have missed is the rich learning of a divorce, but we have worked with plenty of people before, during, after, instead of, preventing it or encouraging it,
that we think we have some wisdom anyway."
We have also made our CD of our talk with marriage counselors about relationship development available as an online audio. You can listen to it right now I’m your computer, or download it to listen later. You can get it at this link: http://tinyurl.com/53wvyh
(Jonathan’s words again) "Listen to some REAL experts talk about what REALLY happens in relationships, and how you can use the information to make a difference in yours."
Third, I’ve agreed to help spread the word about a fr.ee tele-seminar being offered by my friend and colleague, Sharon Wilson. She is a leading transformational teacher who creates enormous success for the life coaches and entrepreneurs who work with her. She’s offering lots of bonuses when you register for the call.
So if you’re interested in how spirituality and business fit together, this will be a call you’ll enjoy. Watch for a post here with the title, "What’s been missing…" that you will show up on January 21. (It won’t sound like me, because I didn’t write it.)
Warmly,
Laurie
More about Laurie Weiss
written by Laurie Weiss
\\ tags: Coaching, Emotional Problems, Personal Growth, Psychotherapy, Relationships, Self Help, Self-Improvement
From a perspective of 15 years it is hard to sort out the many ways my journey with Judy impacted my own growth as a therapist. On this journey I learned to give up any illusions that I was in charge of the treatment process. I learned I could work in the moment, without a treatment plan, and that my responses could still be helpful and healing. She taught me that scrupulous honesty was not only possible but absolutely necessary to keep her trust.
Judy taught me about projective identification long before I had ever heard of the term. She desperately wanted me to understand how she experienced the world. When the words didn’t work, sometimes her outrageous actions did. Learning the meaning of those actions became an important part of our treatment process. Eventually her sculptures evoked her life experiences in me and in others.
I learned that there were some life experiences I have never had and could never imagine having. These were not only the experiences of abuse I had heard about from so many clients but the experiences of living in a different culture. Judy was clear that I had no survival skills for living in her world — “the street,” yet she was passionate about learning what I did know and generous, sometimes overly generous, in sharing her own knowledge.
I had to learn to set limits and explain and argue about rules and customs I take for granted. I learned how difficult it was to not impose my own culture on others. Most of all, I learned that when I did not know what to do, I could still love. In retrospect, I think that is what made the difference.
More about Laurie Weiss
written by Laurie Weiss
\\ tags: Emotional Problems, Personal Growth, Psychotherapy
Remember the time you got one little piece of information that completely shifted how you felt about yourself or someone else. Remember the relief that came with the recognition that you were just like everybody else. It’s almost like affirming “Im really OK after all.”
I had one of those moments while flying back from spending time at my daughter’s home in Paris. I didn’t do a lick of professional reading or writing the whole three weeks I was away — until I got on the plane to come home.
I was reading a book about how the brain functions, and suddenly a bunch of information I’ve been accumulating fell into place. I understood that there is actually a reason that I don’t mix grandma and family responsibilities with my professional life. It’s not because I’m lazy. It’s because I really can’t.
All of these years I’ve been beating myself or — at least lately — gently remonstrating myself to get busy have been a waste of time. My brain — and yours — simply is not wired to manage two conflicting channels of information at the same time.
The book showed me that the brain focuses attention most like a toggle switch that changes trains to different tracks — you can go one way or the other but not both ways at the same time. This also explains why multitasking is vastly overrated. It is simply about how quickly we can switch back and forth.
Here I’ve been kicking myself because I get so fully immersed in the full-time grandma role that I can’t even think about the other professional role. I sort of know that it’s in there, but I just can’t get into it. The controls are locked. They’re locked for a good reason.
If they were unlocked I would do a rotten job each time I switched back and forth. It takes a while for me to get firmly back onto either track. That may differ for different people, but that’s the way it is for me. What about you? Can you switch tracks easily?
Just imagine me trying to write a letter like this while keeping my two preschool grandsons from destroying part of the house in their enthusiasm to learn more about it. I know some moms try to do creative work when their children are present, but most I’ve talked to just can’t do it.
So why am I telling you this? There are at least three reasons.
The first is that I love to share what I’ve discovered — sort of like the way my 2 1/2-year-old grandson screams with delight when he sees a picture of himself or of his family members. So if you can benefit from my insights and use them to make your own or someone else’s life better, please do so.
The second reason is that my whole career is about helping people, my beloved clients, have “aha” moments like this. It’s a really positive spiral. I love to do it. Their lives improve. I get a hit because sharing those moments is a rare and wonderful experience.
The third reason is that I need your help.
One of the things that happened while I spent 6 months focused on helping my daughter’s family move to France is that I let my practice diminish. Now I have only a few clients left.
After 35 years of practicing psychotherapy and coaching, I thought that would be all right with me, but it’s not.
My work has always been hard to distinguish from my play. I miss direct client work much more than I thought I would. I want to keep helping people directly as well as through my writing. I don’t really like moving toward retirement.
But the problem is, I’ve been sending out the opposite message. So right now I want you to know that I have changed my tune. I do want more referrals–NOW.
I HAVE SPACE TO WORK WITH FIVE MORE CLIENTS OR COUPLES who want to experience those fantastic moments of clarity and self-acceptance. I love helping couples reclaim deeply troubled relationships.
When I coach you, I’m interested in who you are at your core. I love to help you connect with yourself and others. Helping you live fully and joyfully with other people excites me. My work, through personal contact or through my writing, is about helping you enhance your own life and the lives of the people you’re close to.
Please help me spread the word. I connect with my clients in person, by phone and by Skype. I even have one client in Romania. I use VOIP and the web cam with my family, a new thing, since they are so far away. I haven’t used it for coaching yet, but I will. (Am I technical or what?)
So if you know of anyone or if you yourself would like to talk with me, now is a really good time to get started. Contact me by email or phone (303-794-5379) and we can discuss how we can work together.
Warmly, Laurie
P.S. I wrote most of this about 6 weeks ago — as I was trying to switch tracks from my voluntary family responsibilities back to my professional life. It took me a while to admit that I need help rebuilding my practice and to decide I trusted you enough to share that information with you and to ask for your help.
written by Laurie Weiss
\\ tags: Coaching, CoDependency Communication, Emotional Problems, Personal Growth, Psychotherapy, Relationships, Self Help, Self-Improvement, Workplace Relationships
What if I stopped?
If I stopped worrying about money nothing would actually change in reality.
If I stopped reading my Internet marketing e-mail, I would have more time to write.
If I stopped reading my Internet marketing e-mail, I would not be constantly stimulated with new ideas.
If I stopped correcting Jon for the mistakes he makes I would be building up a lot of anger and resentment. (The problem is he considers correction to be criticism. I should have enough skill to correct without criticizing. I need to do something about this.)
If I stopped correcting errors I would be inconvenienced a lot.
If I stopped being annoyed when I’m interrupted I would be more relaxed.
If I stopped doing recreational shopping for clothes I would miss the fun and stimulation. (I love finding great bargains, and I have a lot more than I actually need.)
If I stopped holding onto papers, I would lose triggers for important memories.
If I stopped loving the boys I wouldn’t be me.
If I stopped keeping old things I haven’t used in a long time, I would be scared.
If I stopped piling up books and magazines near my bed, I would have more space.
If I stopped trying to sell my work online, I would be very sad.
If I stopped just trying to do an Internet business, I might actually do a successful business.
If I stopped pretending I don’t care about being successful, I would do more systematic things.
If I stopped following my health regime, I wouldn’t have much energy.
If I stopped writing I would lose my fleeting thoughts and be unable to organize them.
If I stopped thinking about how things work and how to fix them I would be bored.
If I stop criticizing myself for what I don’t do, I would stop feeling guilty.
If I stopped worrying about spending so much money I would stop criticizing my own mistakes.
If I stopped worrying about getting the most value for my money I would need to find a different game to play and win. (I’m very good at this game.)
If I stopped wanting to print photos, I would actually print some. (I did.)
If I stop thinking I have to do so many things I would set better priorities.
If I stopped wanting to please people, I would think more about pleasing myself.
Try this exercise yourself. Just write “What if I stopped………” at the top of a sheet of paper. Set a timer for 15 minutes and write anything that comes into your mind. Don’t worry about spelling, neatness, order or anything else. Just keep your pen moving until the timer rings. In this case thinking and writing are the same thing. Write BEFORE you think! Have fun with it.
Is this you? “I don’t need therapy, but I could use some advice about…”
[tags]Personal Growth, Relationships, Self Help, Self-Improvement, Emotional Problems,CoDependency[/tags]
written by Laurie Weiss
Several years ago one of my clients, Judy O, was featured on television news story about the incredible resilience of the human spirit. Judy made the courageous decision to show the statues she created as part of her recovery from extreme physical, emotional, and sexual abuse, because she “doesn’t want her abuse to be wasted.”
Judy, who has since died, was committed to helping stop child abuse by letting people know what it feels like to be an abused child — and she was successful.
Most people who have the courage to Continue reading »
written by Laurie Weiss
You have probably heard about “Emotional Intelligence,” but did you know that your emotional intelligence (EQ) appears to have a greater influence on your success than your IQ or intelligence quotient?
People with a high EQ have an awareness of their own feelings and an ability to use that awareness to guide their decisions. They do not act solely on the basis of their emotions. They have the ability to both think and feel in any situation. Continue reading »
written by Laurie Weiss
A successful young woman recently asked me a poignant question: “How do you begin to learn to love yourself? I‘m surrounded by people who care about me, but for so long, I‘ve questioned myself and thought I wasn‘t worthy of anything. How do I change that?“
In order to answer this question, Continue reading »
written by Laurie Weiss
My assistant was sure she was going to lose her job because she told me she disagreed with certain office procedures. She imagined a catastrophe. She noticed a small gesture and intuited that I was angry at her. She concluded (erroneously) that she had done something wrong and would be fired.
One way to cope with this common tendency to imagine the worst Continue reading »
written by Laurie Weiss
What do you tell yourself when you run into a problem? Do you think about how to fix whatever is wrong, or do you get stuck?
The story you tell yourself about who you are in the world has an enormous influence on how you approach problems. Continue reading »
written by Laurie Weiss
When I am hungry and go to the refrigerator for food, I usually know what I want, get it, prepare it, eat it, and feel satisfied. When I am avoiding something, I stand in front of my open refrigerator and mentally take inventory of the taste of each item, looking for a different kind of fix. Continue reading »
written by Laurie Weiss
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