|
Jun 21
|
|
Jan 16
|
Three Different Things For You Today.
I have three things to share with you. First, I just finished an amazing book. If have a loved one or friend who has had a stroke or brain injury you need to read this one.
"My Stroke of Insight" by Jill Bolte Taylor, Ph.D., is a first person account of a brain scientist’s report of her own stroke and recovery of brain function over a 9-year period. It blew me away.
Second, I also want to share something that Jonathan wrote (Jon has reclaimed his birth name) as we were developing material to let people know that we are actively offering couples counseling again.
It was a spontaneous statement of why couples should come to us for counseling. It didn’t quite fit into the webpage we were designing, but I think it’s a wonderful restatement of our lives together.
"…we want to share what we’ve learned with you!
Why us?
There are hundreds of people offering relationship advice on the Internet, and thousands more offline. How are you going to know who to listen to, who to trust with the most important part of your life?
All these adviser have credentials; so do we. They have all probably talked to lots of different people; so have we.
So what’s different?
Very simple: we have been there AND we have applied our training, knowledge, theories, understandings, etc., to our own personal and business lives, and have lived to tell the tale.
We have been married (TO EACH OTHER) for over 48 years, and we have experienced, survived, and grown from almost everything that two people together will ever run into:
- Major and minor moves, career changes, failures and successes;
- Stagnation, new directions, changing roles;
- Separations, distance, infidelity;
- A stillborn child — our first;
- Births;
- Children growing, grown, moving out, succeeding, failing;
- Teenage runaways, drug abuse, and impressive achievements;
- The deaths of all four parents — long illnesses, nursing homes, suicide;
- Investment successes and miserable failures;
- Giving advice, getting advice, using advice, ignoring advice, regretting advice;
- Laughing, yelling, grieving, plodding, creating, committing, sharing;
- Getting older, loving it and hating it.
Sometimes we think that the only important experience we have missed is the rich learning of a divorce, but we have worked with plenty of people before, during, after, instead of, preventing it or encouraging it,
that we think we have some wisdom anyway."
We have also made our CD of our talk with marriage counselors about relationship development available as an online audio. You can listen to it right now I’m your computer, or download it to listen later. You can get it at this link: http://tinyurl.com/53wvyh
(Jonathan’s words again) "Listen to some REAL experts talk about what REALLY happens in relationships, and how you can use the information to make a difference in yours."
Third, I’ve agreed to help spread the word about a fr.ee tele-seminar being offered by my friend and colleague, Sharon Wilson. She is a leading transformational teacher who creates enormous success for the life coaches and entrepreneurs who work with her. She’s offering lots of bonuses when you register for the call.
So if you’re interested in how spirituality and business fit together, this will be a call you’ll enjoy. Watch for a post here with the title, "What’s been missing…" that you will show up on January 21. (It won’t sound like me, because I didn’t write it.)
Warmly,
Laurie
|
Jan 06
|
From a perspective of 15 years it is hard to sort out the many ways my journey with Judy impacted my own growth as a therapist. On this journey I learned to give up any illusions that I was in charge of the treatment process. I learned I could work in the moment, without a treatment plan, and that my responses could still be helpful and healing. She taught me that scrupulous honesty was not only possible but absolutely necessary to keep her trust.
Judy taught me about projective identification long before I had ever heard of the term. She desperately wanted me to understand how she experienced the world. When the words didn’t work, sometimes her outrageous actions did. Learning the meaning of those actions became an important part of our treatment process. Eventually her sculptures evoked her life experiences in me and in others.
I learned that there were some life experiences I have never had and could never imagine having. These were not only the experiences of abuse I had heard about from so many clients but the experiences of living in a different culture. Judy was clear that I had no survival skills for living in her world — “the street,” yet she was passionate about learning what I did know and generous, sometimes overly generous, in sharing her own knowledge.
I had to learn to set limits and explain and argue about rules and customs I take for granted. I learned how difficult it was to not impose my own culture on others. Most of all, I learned that when I did not know what to do, I could still love. In retrospect, I think that is what made the difference.
More about Laurie Weiss
|
Oct 13
|
Remember the time you got one little piece of information that completely shifted how you felt about yourself or someone else. Remember the relief that came with the recognition that you were just like everybody else. It’s almost like affirming “Im really OK after all.”
I had one of those moments while flying back from spending time at my daughter’s home in Paris. I didn’t do a lick of professional reading or writing the whole three weeks I was away — until I got on the plane to come home.
I was reading a book about how the brain functions, and suddenly a bunch of information I’ve been accumulating fell into place. I understood that there is actually a reason that I don’t mix grandma and family responsibilities with my professional life. It’s not because I’m lazy. It’s because I really can’t.
All of these years I’ve been beating myself or — at least lately — gently remonstrating myself to get busy have been a waste of time. My brain — and yours — simply is not wired to manage two conflicting channels of information at the same time.
The book showed me that the brain focuses attention most like a toggle switch that changes trains to different tracks — you can go one way or the other but not both ways at the same time. This also explains why multitasking is vastly overrated. It is simply about how quickly we can switch back and forth.
Here I’ve been kicking myself because I get so fully immersed in the full-time grandma role that I can’t even think about the other professional role. I sort of know that it’s in there, but I just can’t get into it. The controls are locked. They’re locked for a good reason.
If they were unlocked I would do a rotten job each time I switched back and forth. It takes a while for me to get firmly back onto either track. That may differ for different people, but that’s the way it is for me. What about you? Can you switch tracks easily?
Just imagine me trying to write a letter like this while keeping my two preschool grandsons from destroying part of the house in their enthusiasm to learn more about it. I know some moms try to do creative work when their children are present, but most I’ve talked to just can’t do it.
So why am I telling you this? There are at least three reasons.
The first is that I love to share what I’ve discovered — sort of like the way my 2 1/2-year-old grandson screams with delight when he sees a picture of himself or of his family members. So if you can benefit from my insights and use them to make your own or someone else’s life better, please do so.
The second reason is that my whole career is about helping people, my beloved clients, have “aha” moments like this. It’s a really positive spiral. I love to do it. Their lives improve. I get a hit because sharing those moments is a rare and wonderful experience.
The third reason is that I need your help.
One of the things that happened while I spent 6 months focused on helping my daughter’s family move to France is that I let my practice diminish. Now I have only a few clients left.
After 35 years of practicing psychotherapy and coaching, I thought that would be all right with me, but it’s not.
My work has always been hard to distinguish from my play. I miss direct client work much more than I thought I would. I want to keep helping people directly as well as through my writing. I don’t really like moving toward retirement.
But the problem is, I’ve been sending out the opposite message. So right now I want you to know that I have changed my tune. I do want more referrals–NOW.
I HAVE SPACE TO WORK WITH FIVE MORE CLIENTS OR COUPLES who want to experience those fantastic moments of clarity and self-acceptance. I love helping couples reclaim deeply troubled relationships.
When I coach you, I’m interested in who you are at your core. I love to help you connect with yourself and others. Helping you live fully and joyfully with other people excites me. My work, through personal contact or through my writing, is about helping you enhance your own life and the lives of the people you’re close to.
Please help me spread the word. I connect with my clients in person, by phone and by Skype. I even have one client in Romania. I use VOIP and the web cam with my family, a new thing, since they are so far away. I haven’t used it for coaching yet, but I will. (Am I technical or what?)
So if you know of anyone or if you yourself would like to talk with me, now is a really good time to get started. Contact me by email or phone (303-794-5379) and we can discuss how we can work together.
Warmly, Laurie
P.S. I wrote most of this about 6 weeks ago — as I was trying to switch tracks from my voluntary family responsibilities back to my professional life. It took me a while to admit that I need help rebuilding my practice and to decide I trusted you enough to share that information with you and to ask for your help.
|
Oct 08
|
My life is full of miracles and sometimes I don’t even notice them. But this week I did. Somehow, when we were teaching in Dallas, I started telling Judy’s story.
Judy was an abuse survivor who used her talent as a sculptress both to heal herself and to argue passionately for the protection of children in dangerous situations. Judy died 6 years ago and I still miss her. I worked with her for many years and she had a huge impact on my life.
During the conversation in Dallas I, mentioned that a videotape existed of Judy describing her artwork. The recording was made 13 years ago. Two people asked for copies of it.
I discovered only one copy in my files. The phone number for the business that owned the master tape did not work.
I found the original owner in the phone book. He had closed his business 7 years ago, and was about 3 days away from disposing of all the remaining masters.
The next day this kind man, George Kinzer, delivered the master tape to my door.
OK, that’s a minor miracle. The real miracle was the work that went into producing the recording. It starts with Judy’s survival and sanity. It continues with Continue reading »
|
Jun 08
|
Several years ago one of my clients, Judy O, was featured on television news story about the incredible resilience of the human spirit. Judy made the courageous decision to show the statues she created as part of her recovery from extreme physical, emotional, and sexual abuse, because she “doesn’t want her abuse to be wasted.”
Judy, who has since died, was committed to helping stop child abuse by letting people know what it feels like to be an abused child — and she was successful.
Most people who have the courage to Continue reading »
|
Apr 20
|
A successful young woman recently asked me a poignant question: “How do you begin to learn to love yourself? I‘m surrounded by people who care about me, but for so long, I‘ve questioned myself and thought I wasn‘t worthy of anything. How do I change that?“
In order to answer this question, Continue reading »
|
Feb 05
|
Richard, a manager in a high tech firm, started to write a paper for his MBA program at ten in the evening. He worked until 1:00 a.m., then satisfied that the paper could be turned in class the following evening, finally went to bed.
The next morning at work, feeling exhausted, he berated himself for waiting until the last possible time to get his homework done. He always seemed to procrastinate about something important, and then push himself beyond his limits to get it done.
He seldom kept his promise to himself to start things early. Continue reading »
|
Jan 31
|
How can I tell if the voice I’m listening to is my Higher Self or my scared inner child, masquerading as a wise being?
Elaine had good reason to ask this question. She firmly believed in her inner guidance, engaged in many spiritual practices which helped her feel loving and peaceful, and was just emerging from her fourth disastrous relationship.
“Each time I meet a new man who excites me, my inner voice tells me this time I have really found the right one; this time it will be different! But it isn’t long before he starts the same old pattern of distancing himself from me. With four different men I have started out feeling close, and as soon as I really commit, each one has pulled away.”
Elaine sought help from her spiritual teacher, who suggested gently that sometimes people seek spiritual healing to avoid dealing with painful past experiences. When a problem keeps recurring — like repeatedly choosing inappropriate men — more spiritual work is usually not the answer. Repeating something that has not worked in the past is unlikely to solve the problem. The teacher suggested that Elaine find help to explore the source of her problem.
Working with a therapist, Elaine discovered that she was choosing men who reminded her of her father, who had never given her the affection she desired. Her inner voice was indeed a child, hopefully seeking affection from a man “just like Daddy”. No wonder they seemed right — they were perfect, and because they were so perfect, they acted just as distantly as daddy had.
When Elaine finally let herself feel how angry and sad she was about her childhood isolation, she realized that she had been avoiding this intensely painful memory. She realized she kept trying to get her father to love her, rather than exploring a relationship with a man who felt “different” and might really offer what she needed.
Elaine decided that her inner voice was not her Higher Self when it came to choosing men, and started avoiding the men she was excited about. She is slowly learning that she can get the affection she wants.
[tags]Personal Growth, Emotional Problems, Self Help, Self-Improvement, CoDependency, Inner Child, Relationships [/tags]
|
Dec 28
|
Marcia struggled not to turn toward her mother’s house. I want so much to see her, but I know she’s always drunk by this time of day. Maybe this time Continue reading »
