1. What is one thing to start doing, which would have the most positive influence on your life right now?
2. What is one thing to stop doing, which would have the most positive influence on your life right now?

I invite you to answer those questions for yourself. When I answered them and started thinking about the implications of my answers I learned a lot about myself.

My answers were to stop reading my e-mail first thing in the morning and to start writing more frequently. So here goes…

I am now more aware of how I measure my contribution to the world beyond the mutual contribution I make in all my direct, personal relationships.

My contribution is the writing I do that helps others to change and grow without my direct presence. I measure contribution by the standard Eric Berne proposed 40 years ago: “is it good for the infant mortality rate?” To me that standard means is what I am doing ultimately contributing to a world in which more babies that are born alive stay alive.

* Educating and coaching people about how to have important conversations is key for me.
* I care that relationships work so that both children and adults get what they need from others.
* I believe in selfishness as described by Thomas Leonard in The Portable Coach. This means being aware of and communicating your own needs to others.
* I also believe that agreements people make with each other should be honored (or changed by mutual consent.)
* I want to help people operate with as much integrity as possible.

In order to do this I need to become more proficient with tools that will get my message out into the world. I’ll be contributing what I’m thinking about to two different blogs or perhaps three and my goal is to publish at least twice a week.

This is a creative production goal rather than an outcome goal. Outcome goals don’t work well for me. They don’t leave enough room to be surprised and I often surprise myself. It’s a goal of staying in a creative tension so that I stay productive. This is how I will stay in integrity with myself.

I need to stay in the creative tension instead of drifting off into “deserving retirement” or just grandmothering. I do enjoy my freedom to explore and travel and I adore my grandchildren. Both of those are fine in their place, but they are not enough for me. I need to stay creative and contributing in order to feel fully alive and happy.

That’s a lot of insight from answering two questions. I admit I was in a very stimulating environment where I was surrounded by other master coaches all challenging each other to live their dreams.

I hope you answer the questions for yourself, take time to think about the implications of your answers and share what you learn.

You can post your answers and comments here. If you prefer, send them directly to me and I’ll put them up on the blog for you.

More about Laurie Weiss

My daughter sent a note saying if I was going to talk about getting organized I should tell you about NAPO, The National Association of Professional Organizers. There is an organizer search function to find help with your organizing needs. 

Enjoy!

Dr. Joe Rubino is one of the world’s foremost experts on the topic of Self-Esteem and best-selling author of The Self-Esteem Book: The Ultimate Guide to Boost the Most Underrated Ingredient for Success and Happiness in Life. He
has put together an awesome list of free bonuses to reward those who purchase his life-changing Self-Esteem ystem.  

He’s also offering you a free insightful audio called 7 Steps to Soaring Self-Esteem and a complimentary 1-year membership in The Success Achievers’ Club ($129 value) just for checking it out. See http://cli.gs/V8WdP2.  

Learn how you can help raise the consciousness of the planet by elevating your own self-esteem or the self-esteem level of those you love. Pick up your Audio and Club Membership for free at http://cli.gs/V8WdP2. 

Let me tell you a little about this life-enhancing Self-Esteem System. It’s being called the most comprehensive guide to simply and almost effortlessly raise anyone’s level of self-esteem. I’m confident that you will find this 3 part program to benefit everyone — from those with deficiencies in particular areas to those with more pervasive self-esteem challenges. 

The Self-Esteem System will support you to: 

1. Heal and Complete Your Past; 
2. Properly Assess Your Present Situation to Determine What’s Working Optimally and What’s Missing in Each of the 6 Areas of Your Life; 
3. Design a Compelling Future that Honors Your Most Important Values and Champions You in Manifesting Your Gifts and Living Your Life Purpose.

To claim your free bonuses, check out Dr. Joe’s life-changing work now at http://cli.gs/V8WdP2. 

You’ll automatically receive an email with all the information needed to claim all your complimentary gifts. 

Remember… to receive your $10,000 + in free bonuses, you must order any package at http://cli.gs/V8WdP2 before this special offer expires. 

Remember The Self-Esteem System also makes a perfect gift!

It spoke to me because long ago Jonathan and I were waiting until we had more money, until he finished his Ph.D., until we could move, until… Then we decided to stop waiting and start living. It was one of the best decisions we ever made.

I hope you enjoy it as much as I did. http://tinyurl.com/dhdq3p This link will take you to a dialog box offering to let you open or download the file. You will need Power Point in order to view it, either online or on your own computer. More about Laurie Weiss 

You will be taken directly to the online player for the interview. If you would like to comment or ask questions during the interview, you can call in at (646) 727-3956. [tags]Relationship Advice, Relationships, Self Help, Difficult Communication, Money[/tags]

Here is the link: http://www.blogtalkradio.com/Spirit-Speaks

It’s an hour show where you can call in and ask questions. The call in number is (646) 727-3956.

I posted my pictures from Jamaica on Facebook. Here is the link:
http://tinyurl.com/bjssgc

You can go there even if you are not a Facebook member. Enjoy!

Warmly,

Laurie

PS I’ll send out another reminder of the show on the weekend.

PPS Follow me on:
Facebook: http://tinyurl.com/aczezk
LinkedIn: http://www.linkedin.com/in/laurieweiss
Twitter: http://twitter.com/LaurieWeiss

I have three things to share with you. First, I just finished an amazing book. If have a loved one or friend who has had a stroke or brain injury you need to read this one.

"My Stroke of Insight" by Jill Bolte Taylor, Ph.D., is a first person account of a brain scientist’s report of her own stroke and recovery of brain function over a 9-year period. It blew me away.

Second, I also want to share something that Jonathan wrote (Jon has reclaimed his birth name) as we were developing material to let people know that we are actively offering couples counseling again.

It was a spontaneous statement of why couples should come to us for counseling. It didn’t quite fit into the webpage we were designing, but I think it’s a wonderful restatement of our lives together.

"…we want to share what we’ve learned with you!

Why us?

There are hundreds of people offering relationship advice on the Internet, and thousands more offline. How are you going to know who to listen to, who to trust with the most important part of your life?

All these adviser have credentials; so do we. They have all probably talked to lots of different people; so have we.

So what’s different?

Very simple: we have been there AND we have applied our training, knowledge, theories, understandings, etc., to our own personal and business lives, and have lived to tell the tale.

We have been married (TO EACH OTHER) for over 48 years, and we have experienced, survived, and grown from almost everything that two people together will ever run into:

• Major and minor moves, career changes, failures and successes;
• Stagnation, new directions, changing roles;
• Separations, distance, infidelity;
• A stillborn child — our first;
• Births;
• Children growing, grown, moving out, succeeding, failing;
• Teenage runaways, drug abuse, and impressive achievements;
• The deaths of all four parents — long illnesses, nursing homes, suicide;
• Investment successes and miserable failures;
• Giving advice, getting advice, using advice, ignoring advice, regretting advice;
• Laughing, yelling, grieving, plodding, creating, committing, sharing;
• Getting older, loving it and hating it.

Sometimes we think that the only important experience we have missed is the rich learning of a divorce, but we have worked with plenty of people before, during, after, instead of, preventing it or encouraging it,

that we think we have some wisdom anyway."

We have also made our CD of our talk with marriage counselors about relationship development available as an online audio. You can listen to it right now I’m your computer, or download it to listen later. You can get it at this link: http://tinyurl.com/53wvyh

(Jonathan’s words again) "Listen to some REAL experts talk about what REALLY  happens in relationships, and how you can use the information to make a difference in yours."

Third, I’ve agreed to help spread the word about a fr.ee tele-seminar being offered by my friend and colleague, Sharon Wilson. She is a leading transformational teacher who creates enormous success for the life coaches and entrepreneurs who work with her. She’s offering lots of bonuses when you register for the call.

So if you’re interested in how spirituality and business fit together, this will be a call you’ll enjoy. Watch for a post here with the title, "What’s been missing…" that you will show up on January 21. (It won’t sound like me, because I didn’t write it.)

Warmly,

Laurie

More about Laurie Weiss 

My nicest interruption was to share the first night of Hanukkah with my daughter’s family in Paris while I was still in my jammies here in Colorado. Skype is truly a miracle that adds wonderful things to my life.

But back to the interruptions… We’re suddenly at the end of the year enjoying the pleasures and pressures of the holiday season. These pressures make me much more vulnerable to rediscovering my own hot buttons.

Have you found yours? You know, the things that drive you back into the feeling you hoped you were done with forever.

A couple of days ago I found myself obsessing about what to give someone. A few minutes later I was worrying about whether I dared to invite a professional friend to my home when hers is so much more creatively decorated than mine. I confessed this to a friend over coffee.

My good friend, a partner in a prestigious law firm, admitted that she too occasionally falls into comparing herself to others and wondering what people will think of her.

We’re both very accomplished women and yet if you take us away from our familiar routines, we feel like we’re back in high school trying to please everyone in sight. And high school was a long, long time ago for me. We laughed together about our vulnerability.

I’ve had a couple of men thrown off center this week — mostly about expecting and fearing that they would get into trouble by not pleasing their wives. One was running around doing everything he could think of. The other was paralyzed into doing absolutely nothing. Both knew better, but were reacting to holiday pressures.

So whatever your hot button is, end of the year stress may make you vulnerable to it. I don’t think you can prevent your hot button from being activated, but you can choose what to do when it happens. I recommend noticing it and relaxing.

Admit that you’re human, take a few deep breaths, and try to push the reset button. If that doesn’t work, just don’t get too caught up in replaying old emotions. Refocus on the things that bring you joy and move on to whatever is next.

Here’s a delightful inspirational 5 minute YouTube link that I enjoyed. I hope you do too. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Us-TVg40ExM

Have a wonderful holiday season.

Warmly,

Laurie

PS I’ve finally been learning about social networking. I’m finding old and new friends on Facebook, Twitter and LinkedIn.

http://twitter.com/LaurieWeiss

http://www.linkedin.com/in/laurieweiss

Facebook: http://profile.to/laurieweiss/

If you are trying to find a better way, and can’t afford to pack up and go on vacation for the next three or four weeks, ask yourself these questions:

• What am I feeling resentful or resigned about doing? (Buying gifts you can’t really afford–doing things for or with people you don’t really like — baking special treats when you don’t have time you are all possibilities.)
• What are the reasons I give myself for doing each of those things? (If you answer “I would feel guilty if I didn’t.” check the reasons for your guilt. Is it because you will hurt someone’s feelings? Disappoint someone? Not carry on a family tradition?)
• What would really happen if I didn’t do this particular thing? (You may need to do some research to answer this one. Many of my clients find that asking the person they are worried about hurting brings surprising information.)
• Am I willing to live with the real consequences of not doing this? (Sometimes consequences are really minor.)

Now make a decision about whether or not you will do each item. (If YOU feel very sad or dissapointed about your decision, go through the questions again, and add your sadness to the consequences. Only YOU can decide which decisions are right for YOU!)

If you need help, call me. HAPPY HOLIDAYS!
Is this you? “I don’t need therapy, but I could use some advice about…”
[tags]Relationships, Self Help, Self-Improvement, Personal Growth[/tags]

I had one of those moments while flying back from spending time at my daughter’s home in Paris. I didn’t do a lick of professional reading or writing the whole three weeks I was away — until I got on the plane to come home.

I was reading a book about how the brain functions, and suddenly a bunch of information I’ve been accumulating fell into place. I understood that there is actually a reason that I don’t mix grandma and family responsibilities with my professional life. It’s not because I’m lazy. It’s because I really can’t.

All of these years I’ve been beating myself or — at least lately — gently remonstrating myself to get busy have been a waste of time. My brain — and yours — simply is not wired to manage two conflicting channels of information at the same time.

The book showed me that the brain focuses attention most like a toggle switch that changes trains to different tracks — you can go one way or the other but not both ways at the same time. This also explains why multitasking is vastly overrated. It is simply about how quickly we can switch back and forth.

Here I’ve been kicking myself because I get so fully immersed in the full-time grandma role that I can’t even think about the other professional role. I sort of know that it’s in there, but I just can’t get into it. The controls are locked. They’re locked for a good reason.

If they were unlocked I would do a rotten job each time I switched back and forth. It takes a while for me to get firmly back onto either track. That may differ for different people, but that’s the way it is for me. What about you? Can you switch tracks easily?

Just imagine me trying to write a letter like this while keeping my two preschool grandsons from destroying part of the house in their enthusiasm to learn more about it. I know some moms try to do creative work when their children are present, but most I’ve talked to just can’t do it.

So why am I telling you this? There are at least three reasons.

The first is that I love to share what I’ve discovered — sort of like the way my 2 1/2-year-old grandson screams with delight when he sees a picture of himself or of his family members. So if you can benefit from my insights and use them to make your own or someone else’s life better, please do so.

The second reason is that my whole career is about helping people, my beloved clients, have “aha” moments like this. It’s a really positive spiral. I love to do it. Their lives improve. I get a hit because sharing those moments is a rare and wonderful experience.

The third reason is that I need your help.

One of the things that happened while I spent 6 months focused on helping my daughter’s family move to France is that I let my practice diminish. Now I have only a few clients left.

After 35 years of practicing psychotherapy and coaching, I thought that would be all right with me, but it’s not.

My work has always been hard to distinguish from my play. I miss direct client work much more than I thought I would. I want to keep helping people directly as well as through my writing. I don’t really like moving toward retirement.

But the problem is, I’ve been sending out the opposite message. So right now I want you to know that I have changed my tune. I do want more referrals–NOW.

I HAVE SPACE TO WORK WITH FIVE MORE CLIENTS OR COUPLES who want to experience those fantastic moments of clarity and self-acceptance. I love helping couples reclaim deeply troubled relationships.

When I coach you, I’m interested in who you are at your core. I love to help you connect with yourself and others. Helping you live fully and joyfully with other people excites me. My work, through personal contact or through my writing, is about helping you enhance your own life and the lives of the people you’re close to.

Please help me spread the word. I connect with my clients in person, by phone and by Skype. I even have one client in Romania. I use VOIP and the web cam with my family, a new thing, since they are so far away. I haven’t used it for coaching yet, but I will. (Am I technical or what?)

So if you know of anyone or if you yourself would like to talk with me, now is a really good time to get started. Contact me by email or phone (303-794-5379) and we can discuss how we can work together.

Warmly, Laurie

P.S. I wrote most of this about 6 weeks ago — as I was trying to switch tracks from my voluntary family responsibilities back to my professional life. It took me a while to admit that I need help rebuilding my practice and to decide I trusted you enough to share that information with you and to ask for your help.