Happy New Year!

Do you do any kind of formal or informal year-end review? My mail box has been filled with instructions about how to make 2012 your (my) best year yet. Aren’t you relieved that I have no similar instructions for you?

I have always hated to set specific goals. Instead I’ve decided on my priorities and check to see whether the choices I make are aligned with them. Keeping a journal makes this process easier for me, and besides, it’s fun to discover what I have to say almost every day.

I rarely read my journal, but on New Year’s Day I was counting my considerable blessings and looked to see what my day had been like a year ago. This year’s entry was so much happier than last years that I spend some time reflecting on how I made such a dramatic shift. My answer was involvement – involvement in writing “99 Things Women Wish They Knew Before Saying I Do” and in practicing and teaching Logosynthesis.

So naturally I intend to stay involved. The book is done so as soon as it is released my focus will shift to letting the world know it exists. The short, pre-publication reviews are wonderful and I’ll share them soon. Meanwhile, I have already started writing lots of brief articles about relationship issues to publicize the book. I think you’ll enjoy the two most recent that I’ve posted. Check them out and leave a comment.

She Cheated On Him: Should She Stay or Go?
Lisa cheated on her long term boyfriend when she was really drunk a… http://t.co/CbmWMsdi

Alcohol Abuse: What Will Help? Kirsten wants advice because she Is tired of the “stupid crap” she’s been puttin… http://t.co/vbZpVBdb

Only you know what you should do this year. No matter what it is, I suggest you include figuring out what makes you feel best about yourself and about other people and doing as much of it as you can.

By the way, if you live in the Denver area come to the free introductory program on Logosynthesis Jonathan and I are offering at People House in Denver on January 25^th at 6:30 pm. Let me know at laurieweiss@empowermentsystems.com if you would like to attend. And please share this information with anyone who might be interested.

And like the weebles* in action I seem to tip first in one direction and then another, grounded but always seeming about to go too far.

Yes, I want my grandchildren to visit — of course I do — they light up my life. And when they are here I get way behind on my other chosen tasks. Right now my email inbox reads 280. Before they came it was down to 70.

Let me explain. A few weeks ago I was interviewing a fan of one of my books. I met Rhonda by accident at the “Y” where we have both worked out for years. I don’t remember how I found out that she had my book but I had wanted to interview her for a long time. However the book was out of print, so it wasn’t a priority. But I recently republished I Don’t Need Therapy … But Where Do I Turn for Answers? for the Kindle and other e-readers.

I’m taking a few minutes to write this to let you know about an interview that’s being published today.

If you are thinking about writing a book or wondering about what goes into publishing a book, you’ll especially enjoy this print (not audio) interview that is featured at http://selfpublishingexperts.com

I dictated the answers to the questions about writing and publishing that Lisa Schultz sent me into my wonderful voice-recognition Dragon software. She posts them on her website for you to see. Since I have written 5 books and only one is independently published, my answers are pretty far ranging.

I have been organizing the responses to my question, "What do you wish you had known before getting married?" for book #6. Some are profound and I am looking forward to organizing and writing 99 Things Women Wish They Knew Before Saying I Do.

We’re enjoying the gorgeous scenery. The most exciting thing we’ve managed to do is visit the rustic and wonderful Strawberry Hot Springs and soaked in 4 different hot pools. Jonathan tried the ice cold one fed by melting snow too. Not me! I like my comfort.

Did you ever get an A+ on a paper in school? Did you bring it home and proudly show it off? Did you save it for a long time? It was fun, wasn’t it?

My 10-year-old grandson, R, called me on Skype the other day to delightedly show off his first place team ribbon in a math tournament. Of course I was thrilled and excited with him.

So will you help me celebrate something that happened a long time ago and is happening again?

I’ve had my books favorably reviewed many times, but once, the reviewer raved about the book and said it was absolutely wonderful! I felt like I received an A+. 

 I Don’t Need Therapy … But Where Do I Turn for Answers? did well and sold about 10,000 copies, but it has been out of print for years. Now I can share both the book and the review again. I’ve included part of the review as a preface for the new edition.

So, if you have a Kindle or a Kindle App on your device or computer — or if you have some other Ebook reader or app, you can actually get it again NOW.

Wow, not too long ago that sentence would have been gibberish to me! I love the miracles of technology even if they sometimes drive me crazy.

Usually Jonathan does all of the technical heavy lifting and I just get to enjoy the results but this time I wanted to do it (at least partly) by myself — and I did. I am so proud of myself!

Please go check it out now. Kindle is at http://www.amazon.com/dp/B004P1IYIU and to sample or purchase I Don’t Need Therapy ,.. but Where, Do I Turn for Answers? in all formats (including Kindle) go to http://www.smashwords.com/books/view/43645  (On Amazon.com, you need to scroll down the page to read the description.)

By the way, I just discovered http://www.Smashwords.com and it is an amazing resource.

Not only am I excited about being able to make this book available again, I am excited about all of the other possibilities this format opens up. I can make parts of my other books available there too. More than enough to keep me busy for a very long time.

And I’ll let you in on my secret:  I am about to sign a contract to write another book!

Laurie

Let me explain. During the holidays I encountered Chip and Dan Heath’s marvelous book, "Switch: How to Change Things When Change is Hard." They use rider and elephant as metaphors for your logical and comfort seeking parts that often operate by trying to go in different directions.

In Transactional Analysis (TA) terms, my Parent and Adult ego states want to be productive and my Child ego state would rather curl up and read a good book. Visualizing my elephant is less precise but more fun. Especially since I have ridden two different living elephants in my adult life and have pictures to prove it.

I digress. This is supposed to be about the promise of a new year. I do hope that yours has started wonderfully well. Mine has. We spent the holidays with all of our children (2) and grandchildren (5) gathered in Lake Charles, Louisiana.

It’s been hard to recreate my home life after being away for 43 of 81 days.

Each of our 5 different trips was wonderful in its own way. However, a side effect seems to be that my elephant has forgotten how much she truly enjoys connecting with you this way.

"Switch" is well worth reading. It is filled with strategies for facilitating change – mostly in work situations – that include helping our elephants feel safe and comfortable enough to allow their riders to guide them in productive directions. 

Just incidentally, it makes it very obvious why elephants undermine New Year’s resolutions so effectively.

Our new tools for helping people make rather amazing changes seem to be connected to calming the elephant about things that make it uncomfortable and resistant to change. We continue to be amazed at how gentle and effective Logosynthesis is proving to be.

So far our own changes are holding firm. I managed air travel delays and discomforts without any particular stress and have come through the entire experience weighing the same as when I started – without even thinking about it. We have helped others resolve overwhelming stress, stage fright, traffic terrors, balance issues, seasickness, talking to authority figures, quieting critical internal voices, living with the stress of remodeling, feelings about historic parental neglect, cold symptoms (but not the cold itself), sleep disturbances, humiliation, etc.

It’s not that we couldn’t help with a lot of this before – we could. But it took a long time and a lot of energy. This is much quicker and easier.

Logosynthesis has become a regular part of our coaching, consulting and therapy practices. As you know we work with people if a variety of ways – in person, by phone and by Skype.

We are thinking about offering some coaching groups where we can demonstrate the process by working with individual issues. Witnesses seem to get great value just from observing the process. So if you would like some help yourself or know someone who would, please let us know. Just email laurieweiss@empowermentsystems.com or phone the office at (303)794-5379(US). We are excited about our new ability to help in this way.

(See the previous post. to catch up on the story)

 What questions am I stimulating for you? Please share them here.

I did finish the book, but very slowly because nearly every chapter opened something new, usually some small toleration I expected to keep for the rest of my life. For example, I have never managed to relax about my weight. For most of my adult life, I have stayed close to my ideal weight through constant vigilance.

I have felt very unhappy whenever my weight drifts up a few pounds. And it has become more and more difficult to discipline myself to take off the added pounds. It has also become more and more difficult to actually achieve weight adjustment as I have gotten older.

Each time I travel, which I do a lot, it’s been a battle between fear that I will add more weight and the desire to go unconscious about food and eat what everyone else does and guarantee that I gain a little. The conversation in my mind goes on and on. Yesterday I did Logosynthesis® work about that issue. I did not record what words I used and it seems to be in the nature of the work that I forget it as soon as I complete it so I can’t share exactly what I did.

Anyhow, something is different. My internal conversation about whether and how much to eat has vanished. I have no idea what will happen next but I know I am much happier without the conversation. I will do my best to keep you informed. The test will come soon because our next trip is a seminar/cruise/outrageous vacation with internet marketer, Jim Edwards.

(Jim interviewed us for a "Quick Read Audio Book" about "The Top 10 Hidden Beliefs About Relationships And How To Stop Them From Poisoning Your Marriage" a few months ago. It should be available on Amazon very soon.)

The most remarkable "Logo" experience so far happened when I began to feel ill shortly after eating lunch one day. This has happened before and led to most unpleasant intestinal consequences. I asked Jonathan for help and managed to release all of the negative energy and images and within about 15 minutes I felt fine and have stayed fine throughout this entire trip. We were amazed and delighted.

Look for my blog posts about releasing newly hatched baby turtles and about watching a very tame wild iguana devour a lunch of brightly colored flowers topped off by two maraschino cherries.  I actually held one of the baby turtles — pictures are posted too, at http://tinyurl.com/3y6gan8. Unfortunately we didn’t have a camera when we watched the iguana.

This was written in Mexico. I’m home now and I weigh a little less than I did when we left on this trip. That is definitely something new. I also feel more relaxed about "Afterburn" from my last trip running into my "Reachback" for the next one. (Eric Berne’s words describing what happens when the aftereffects of an event and the preparation for another event happen at the same time.) I used Logosynthesis today with a coaching client with immediate positive results. And I am still deep in the process of opening mail and unpacking while making piles for my next trip.

What if you could do something to keep remembering who you are and what you really want during the next few busy weeks? And the rest of the year as well? I am very excited about a new methodology for doing just that. We studied Logosynthesis this past weekend in Halifax, Nova Scotia. It focuses on gently removing energy blocks we put in place throughout our lives so that we can reconnect with our deepest and truest selves. I won’t try to explain it to you. I’ll leave that to its inventor, Willem Lammers, with his new, free ebook that you can download for yourself at

www.logosynthesis.net/docs/logosynthesis.primer.pdf Jonathan and I participated in the Logosynthesis basic training and felt the effects of this powerful methodology ourselves. I think I have finally lain to rest my tendency to make air travel even more miserable than it is. I say "I think" because I have now been traveling for 8-1/2 hours and I seem to be doing fine. Maybe it isn’t really miserable after all. Now I need to use "Logo" to stay calm about learning to use Word and Outlook 2010. Jonathan just installed them last week and nothing seems to be where I expect it to be. In any case we are ready to use our new tools to help our current and future clients resolve discomfort and stress much more quickly and easily. Let us know if you want to try it for yourself. We can do it by phone or Skype as well as in person. I’ll be traveling a lot and writing infrequently for the next several weeks. So if I don’t get back to you soon, have a relaxed and happy holiday season. BTW, Our 50th Anniversary Celebration continues. If you or anyone you know wants a more loving and supportive relationship be sure to visit http://www.BeingHappyBook.com to start our Being Happy Together Program.

1. What is one thing to start doing, which would have the most positive influence on your life right now?
2. What is one thing to stop doing, which would have the most positive influence on your life right now?

I invite you to answer those questions for yourself. When I answered them and started thinking about the implications of my answers I learned a lot about myself.

My answers were to stop reading my e-mail first thing in the morning and to start writing more frequently. So here goes…

I am now more aware of how I measure my contribution to the world beyond the mutual contribution I make in all my direct, personal relationships.

My contribution is the writing I do that helps others to change and grow without my direct presence. I measure contribution by the standard Eric Berne proposed 40 years ago: “is it good for the infant mortality rate?” To me that standard means is what I am doing ultimately contributing to a world in which more babies that are born alive stay alive.

* Educating and coaching people about how to have important conversations is key for me.
* I care that relationships work so that both children and adults get what they need from others.
* I believe in selfishness as described by Thomas Leonard in The Portable Coach. This means being aware of and communicating your own needs to others.
* I also believe that agreements people make with each other should be honored (or changed by mutual consent.)
* I want to help people operate with as much integrity as possible.

In order to do this I need to become more proficient with tools that will get my message out into the world. I’ll be contributing what I’m thinking about to two different blogs or perhaps three and my goal is to publish at least twice a week.

This is a creative production goal rather than an outcome goal. Outcome goals don’t work well for me. They don’t leave enough room to be surprised and I often surprise myself. It’s a goal of staying in a creative tension so that I stay productive. This is how I will stay in integrity with myself.

I need to stay in the creative tension instead of drifting off into “deserving retirement” or just grandmothering. I do enjoy my freedom to explore and travel and I adore my grandchildren. Both of those are fine in their place, but they are not enough for me. I need to stay creative and contributing in order to feel fully alive and happy.

That’s a lot of insight from answering two questions. I admit I was in a very stimulating environment where I was surrounded by other master coaches all challenging each other to live their dreams.

I hope you answer the questions for yourself, take time to think about the implications of your answers and share what you learn.

You can post your answers and comments here. If you prefer, send them directly to me and I’ll put them up on the blog for you.

More about Laurie Weiss

My daughter sent a note saying if I was going to talk about getting organized I should tell you about NAPO, The National Association of Professional Organizers. There is an organizer search function to find help with your organizing needs. 

Enjoy!