This year she wrote:

“My choices for…this year are, 1 trio of rabbits and the gift of honey bees. I chose the bunnies because they quickly multiply to 72 bunnies after one year. The honey bees are becoming extinct and people need bees to make honey.”

Her mother told me that Gilena made the choices entirely on her own after doing the math herself because she wants to help a lot of people at once.

In order to make choices Gilena read a gift catalog from a magazine that I must confess, I seldom read. The magazine, World Arc, details the impact that the gift of animals has on the lives of people living in extreme poverty.

Last week I dropped a copy of the magazine into my suitcase as we left for a lovely vacation in Mexico. This time I did read it and I was blown away by the stories.

One story, “End Hunger Now! Why we can — and must — change the world” pointed out that the technology to end hunger exists now. What’s lacking is the awareness that this is a solvable problem.

As I read it I realized that what Gilena and I are doing together is that we’re both learning about the solution to the problem. Then it
dawned on me that most of my friends are in a position to do the same thing I’m doing. Here’s what you can do.

If you are about to buy gifts for a child who already has an abundance of everything, try something different. Go explore the Heifer International Gift Catalog together. Use this link and click on “the most
important gift catalog in the world” in the upper right-hand corner.

See how many possibilities there are to help other people help themselves. Make a donation. Even a small donation can make a big difference.

Help a child you care about grow into a caring adult who knows that he or she can make a tangible difference for others.

P.S. At this fun and stressful time of year, you may find this article helpful. Just click to take a quick look at “What Do You Say When the Answer Is No?”

Laurie Weiss, Ph.D. is a Master Certified Coach and communication expert. Dr. Weiss has spent 35 years helping clients resolve conflict in business and personal relationships. Take a look at Being Happy Together: How to Have a Fabulous Relationship With Your Life Partner in Less Than an Hour a Week.

It’s Sunday afternoon, but I call my oral-facial myologist friend at her at home anyway.

She is wonderfully supportive. “Acupuncture? Of course! This is whom you should call. Don’t start prednisone until after you talk to him. Use an ice pack now. Frozen peas work well. Call him now and tell him it is an emergency. Start treatment as soon as possible.”

Reaching the acupuncturist isn’t as easy as it sounds. Another physician with the same name returns my call, tells me he is not the specialist I am looking for, but urges me to start the medication immediately.

I decide that I can wait a few more hours to make that decision, and reach the acupuncturist‘s office on Monday morning. He can’t fit me in until tomorrow, but relays through his assistant, to keep using the ice packs and to not use the prednisone.

Tuesday, New Years Eve, I apprehensively start treatment. The doctor says that we will know whether this method will be effective for me by my fourth session, and explains what will happen in the next few minutes.

The treatment isn’t nearly as uncomfortable as I expect it to be. When I sneak a peak at all the needles, I wish I hadn’t, but manage to put myself into a deeply relaxed state and visualize my face working normally again.

Sandy checks with me daily. I can’t eat very well, and develop a method of keeping food away from the affected side of my mouth. She knows, and tells me I must use my hand to make my jaw muscles move. Ugh! OK, I will.

I hate having to wear my glasses instead of my contact lenses, and feel wooden and uncomfortable talking to my clients. I check in the mirror, and notice that my face only looks a little lopsided unless I try to smile. With the glasses it is not too noticeable that my right eye does not blink.

I keep trying to remember my conversation with Dianna, and rereading the affirmations in my journal. My daughter helps me create a new list of my accomplishments. She encourages me to write “I am a fascinating, interesting, inspiring, exciting woman.” I can write it, but saying it aloud is far more difficult. Am I really those things? Well, sometimes….

Another acupuncture treatment on Friday and by Sunday, I notice that it is a little easier to eat. I still can’t close my eye, but I am hopeful. On Friday, January 10, I have my fourth and last acupuncture treatment.

Two weeks after the initial symptoms occurred, I am almost well!

Would I have recovered without treatment? Probably. Would I have recovered so quickly? Not likely — even my acupuncturist is surprised. What made the difference? I don’t know whether the emotional and spiritual work or the acupuncture did the trick, and there is no way to find out. Would I be willing to try just one at a time in a similar circumstance? No way!

Who is responsible for healing?

Two weeks later, I ask a caring and competent physician friend how the medical community can justify treating people the way I was initially treated: told to use powerful drugs of dubious effectiveness, with no information about alternatives or what I could do to help myself.

She replies that I am in a tiny minority, perhaps five percent of patients, who are willing to assume responsibility for their own health care.

Supporting my clients to find the resources for they need, for their own emotional and physical healing, has always been an important part of my work. When someone tells me that something is impossible, I do not simply accept it. Other resources are probably available, and I want to learn what they are.

My friend who was told after a serious auto accident that she would never again walk without a limp inspires me. She said, “Thank you, that is not true for me,” and found the resources she needed to heal herself completely.

10 years have passed and I am thankful that this problem has never recurred.

Is this you? “I don’t need therapy, but I could use some advice about…”
[tags]Personal Growth, Relationships, Self Help, Self-Improvement[/tags]

Of course, because of professional confidentiality, I could not indulge in my fantasies.

Now, in a new book, Mirrored Lives: The True Story of Two Women, One Man, and the Betrayals that Brought Them Together, my friend Jan Lander, and her friend Lib Lander, have done just that. They met, compared notes, and shared their stories with each other. I was fascinated. You may be also. Happy reading.
[tags]Personal Growth,Self Help, Self-Improvement,Relationships[/tags]

This type of comparative thinking is very common. We learn to compare ourselves with others from infancy. At birth, we are weighed, measured and compared with other babies. We’re compared with norms. Our parents want to know if we eat, cry, sleep, and learn as fast as other babies.

When we reach school age, our work is constantly compared with that of other students. Larry is still afraid he will perform as poorly as he did 35 years ago in fifth grade math.

This comparative pattern follows us into adulthood. We are compared with other workers on the job, and the media invites us to compare how we are doing with others. “Are you successful enough to afford a ‘world class’ watch or car?” the ads ask.

Unfortunately, comparative thinking becomes such a way of life that we no longer stop to consider whether there are any reasons for making comparisons. Instead of making choices based on options to fit our needs, we often make choices on the basis of other people’s preferences instead of our own. When we do that, we seldom get what we want and often feel vaguely dissatisfied.

Comparative thinking can also damage our self-concept. If comparisons with others continually force you into a “worse than others” mode, you can get so discouraged you might not take the steps that would help you grow and change.

How can you break the comparison habit? You need to cultivate the habit of starting with yourself. You must first become conscious of the old pattern and then work to establish a new one.

Practice revising your self-talk to fit your needs. For example, when Larry observed his new classmates, he could have stopped the demeaning internal chatter about how dumb he was. Instead, he could have told himself he could do whatever he wanted in this class. “I came to learn, and it doesn’t matter what other people know,” would have helped Larry look forward to the class instead of wallowing in destructive comparisons.

To avoid making comparisons:

• Identify what you want.
• Consider the available options for achieving what you want.
• Pay attention to how you feel during the process of getting it.

If you feel yourself slipping back into comparisons, keep a self-designed instruction ready. Try “You’re the best judge of what’s good for you, so think about that instead of what other people might choose,” or “You can measure yourself by your own standards.”

[tags]self-improvement, personal growth, self-help, emotional problems[/tags]