You can register HERE for some fabulous free tele-seminars with a mindset of joy, gratitude, authenticity and inspiration celebrating the holidays. Check them out. It includes Deepak Chopra, Marci Shimoff, Gay Hendricks, and many others. http://maestropath.com/holiday

My daughter sent a note saying if I was going to talk about getting organized I should tell you about NAPO, The National Association of Professional Organizers. There is an organizer search function to find help with your organizing needs. 

Enjoy!

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written by Laurie Weiss \\ tags: Personal Growth, Professional Organizers, Self Help, Self-Improvement

To help manifest Dr. Joe Rubino’s vision of raising the self-esteem level of 20 million people, here’s an irresistible offer for you that
includes over $10,000 in free gifts!  

Dr. Joe Rubino is one of the world’s foremost experts on the topic of Self-Esteem and best-selling author of The Self-Esteem Book: The Ultimate Guide to Boost the Most Underrated Ingredient for Success and Happiness in Life. He
has put together an awesome list of free bonuses to reward those who purchase his life-changing Self-Esteem ystem.  

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Remember The Self-Esteem System also makes a perfect gift!

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written by Laurie Weiss \\ tags: Ideals, Personal Growth, Self Help, Self-Esteem, Self-Improvement

A client who frequently loses focus in her own life when she notices that someone else is in pain or difficulty asked me if I could help her get to the state described by His Holiness the Dalai Lama in the following quote.

“A mind committed to compassion is like an overflowing reservoir – a constant source of energy, determination and kindness. This is like a seed, that when cultivated, gives rise to many other good qualities, such as forgiveness, tolerance, inner strength and the confidence to overcome fear and insecurity. The compassionate mind is like an elixir; it is capable of transforming bad situations into beneficial ones. Therefore, we should not limit our expressions of love and compassion to our family and friends. Nor is the compassion only the responsibility of clergy, health care and social workers. It is the necessary business of every part of the human community.” 

This client confuses the feeling of compassion with taking action that may or may not help the recipient, but is damaging to herself and her goals for her own life. 

She often becomes a Rescuer instead of a helper who puts on her own oxygen mask before assisting others. When she Rescues from this caring but thoughtless position she eventually becomes a Victim who needs assistance herself. 

In Transactional Analysis terms the kind of compassion described in the quote comes from an integrated Adult. An integrated Adult in a mature person attends to and considers (Inner) Parent rules, (Inner) Child needs and the constraints of reality before making decisions to take action. 

My client often makes decisions from a Child ego state, eager to please someone, and/or a Parent ego state that discounts the needs of the Child ego state and who tells my client that the needs of others are important and her needs are not.

These guidelines can help anyone in this position, who feels compassionate and wants to help others to be genuinely helpful instead of risking martyrdom.

Guidelines for Helping Without Rescuing 

1. What do I think would be helpful?
2. What evidence am I using to decide that help is needed?
3. Do I have the resources to provide this help?
4. What will helping cost me? (Time, energy, money, etc.)
5. How will helping benefit me? (I’ll have more fun, feel less tense, feel like a good person, be more comfortable asking for things for myself later, etc.)
6. What is likely to happen if I don’t help?
7. Given these predicted costs and benefits, do I really want to help?
8. Has the other person asked for help?

   If the answer is yes and you want to help, clarify what you can do and go ahead and do it.
   If the answer is yes and if you don’t want to help, decline and suggest an alternative.
   If the answer is no and you still want to help, don’t just go ahead. Instead offer some specific help. Wait for the other person’s agreement. If you don’t get agreement, don’t help!

9. Check to see if your help is actually helping. (Ask questions, observe)
10. Give only as much help as needed. Giving more than is needed often leads to resentment for the helper and low self-esteem for the recipient.
11. Accept the positive strokes youget for helping. (Say thank you.)

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written by Laurie Weiss \\ tags: Coaching, Communication, Difficult Communication, Personal Growth, Relationships, Transactional Analysis

Change happens. I just revisited a shockingly orderly storeroom in my home. Just 24 hours ago I recruited my husband and my visiting son to excavate 20 years worth of stacked boxes and precarious piles of miscellaneous treasures.

By the time we finished we had a car trunk full of items to deliver to a donation center, several huge boxes of papers to recycle, a pile of trash and many miscellaneous items related to the obsolete technology of developing film in a darkroom.

Some of the choices were easy to make. We asked questions like,

• Do you need this?  
• Will you miss it if you never see it again?  
• What on earth is this?  
• Can somebody else use this?” 

Other choices were more difficult.

Photography was a hobby shared by my husband and my dad, who bequeathed his (then ancient) darkroom equipment to us over 40 years ago. A few pieces have sentimental value. I remember using them while helping my father in his darkroom when I was a child. Yet they have no place in my life now. We haven’t decided how to dispose of those things yet.

A question we didn’t ask is why many of the things we saved for so many years were important in the first place. Why did we save them?

I think I saved most things because I expected to use them again. Then I didn’t, and it took more time to make decisions about disposing of them than it did to just let them accumulate. That’s my style. I’m not proud of it. I have a computer full of files that could be pruned — but they’re even less visible than what was in the storeroom. 

How about you? Would you feel better if you released some of the things you intended to use again? Or is it better to just keep moving forward and leave the clutter hidden away until you are moved to address it?

I don’t have an answer for you. What I suggest is to make a choice and relax. What we did do makes me feel lighter as we move into the busyness of the holiday season. And I’m not worrying at all about what I haven’t done yet. 

I wish you and the people you love a joyful and relaxed holiday season.

Also — If you are having trouble dealing with the holidays, watch for a blog post in a few days. My colleague, Dr. Joe Rubino,
created a free 45-minute audio recording called 7 Steps to Soaring Self-Esteem. You can claim it now at http://cli.gs/V8WdP2 if you like, or wait  for the post that explains it in more detail. 
It’ll be a great way for you to start the New Year.

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written by Laurie Weiss \\ tags: Coaching, Ideals, Personal Growth, Self-Improvement

My foggy mind finally cleared up again last Sunday night.  What a relief!  Even after a client said “I haven’t heard anything from you in awhile” last week, the jet lag just wouldn’t let go.

My wonderful time walking with Jonathan in the warm sunshine (2 days before the snow) in Waterton Canyon last Sunday made the difference.

As we walked I found myself thinking I had not seen any Rocky Mountain bighorn sheep there for quite some time.  I dismissed the thought and
enjoyed the subtle fall colors. We found a picnic spot near the river.

Suddenly, six of those beautiful creatures passed within eight feet of us on their way to the river. A disgruntled fisherman tried to shoo them
downstream but instead the does and fawns splashed across the stream (scaring the fish, I guess) and then stopped to graze — completely unfazed by the people watching them from less than 20 feet away.

Delighted with our luck walking back down the canyon we spied a knot of fellow walkers staring across the river.  Someone whispered, “There are about 20 of them!”  Sure enough, the huge herd was just across the stream and scattered along the mountainside – this time accompanied by some really big rams.

As we watched, four of the does decided the grazing on our side of the shallow river was better and came splashing across, settling about
four feet away from us. We didn’t have a camera – but others were clicking like crazy.

We finally walked on, only to spot four other Rams silhouetted against the sky on the top of the canyon wall.  Awesome!  Thirty in one day!

What a blessing to add to the past few weeks of blessings.

Visiting our daughter’s family just outside of Paris was nearly perfect.  This time, we got to explore as well as visit and take care of the boys
while their parents enjoyed a much-needed weeklong vacation in London.

Three highlights:

* Walking the labyrinth at the Chartres Cathedral.

* Attending R’s 9th birthday party and watching the children literally zip through the trees on an amazing ropes course.

* Celebrating my 70th birthday with dinner at the Eiffel Tower!  Starting with champagne and ending with chocolate!  What could be better?

The pictures are here http://cli.gs/76Rume
I feel truly blessed!
Remember, you never know where your next blessing will come from!

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written by Laurie Weiss \\ tags: Personal Growth, Relationships

Brief excerpt from a conversation with a client:

Me: So you didn’t live up to your ideals.

Client: That’s right.

Me: Do you think most people live up to their ideals?

Client: I guess they don’t.

Me: Most of us develop our ideals long before we encounter reality.

Client: Hmmmmm

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written by Laurie Weiss \\ tags: Coaching, Ideals, Personal Growth, Self-Improvement

Brief excerpt from a conversation with a client:

Me:  So you didn’t live up to your ideals.

Client: That’s right.

Me:  Do you think most people live up to their ideals?

Client:  I guess they don’t.

Me:  Most of us develop our ideals long before we encounter reality.

Client:  Hmmmmm

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written by Laurie Weiss \\ tags: Coaching, Personal Growth, Self Help, Self-Improvement

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written by Laurie Weiss \\ tags: Personal Growth, Psychotherapy, Self-Improvement, Transactional Analysis

These are my posts covering my trip to Spain from packing on April 5 to the morning after on April 25. Read from the bottom to the top. Follow me on Twitter. http://twitter.com/LaurieWeiss

1. Pillow to pillow 24.5 hours awake, 23 hours travel time. Now, after 8 hours sleep thinking about food and suitcases. about 10 hours ago from web
2. Downloading my email in the Philadelphia airport after a pleasant 8.5 hr flight from Barcelona.3:11 PM Apr 24th from web
3. Starting to transition to my other life. Wonderful day at the pool with my grandsons. Sad that this time with them is over. Leave early AM.2:52 PM Apr 23rd from web
4. Reading: “Become a Blogging Maniac » Week 2″ (http://twitthis.com/anl8de )2:45 PM Apr 23rd from TwitThis
5. “Rhinoceroses can kill things. They have smelly breath that is poison.” A (age 4 1/2) to E (age 3)1:35 AM Apr 22nd from web Continue reading »

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written by Laurie Weiss \\ tags: Personal Growth, Relationships, Self-Improvement

My reachback and afterburn are colliding big-time. I write to help myself think it sort things out so I decided to share this with you.

Those words, invented by Eric Berne, are the best description I know of the situation when finishing one task and preparing to start another run into each other.

Yesterday morning I woke up in Spain and here I am 38 hours later, home in Colorado. I haven’t opened my suitcase and that’s something I need to do today.

• I also need to unpack the suitcase,
• fill the empty refrigerator,
• sort almost 3 weeks worth of mail,
• do the laundry,
• sort out the messages I need to respond to
• and prepare to leave again in a week for the Conversations Among Masters
  conference.

Right now my befuddled brain can’t remember where the conference is. I know it’s somewhere in the Midwest. Jetlag is normal for me under these circumstances. What I would ordinarily do is wander around the house going from one task to another without making choices since they all need to be done.

Writing is an experiment to see if thinking a little bit will help make anything easier. Since Jonathan is in the same boat, I don’t really know if this can go out soon, but that’s OK.

I’ve been reading Byron Katie’s wonderful book, “A Thousand Names For Joy.” It contains her comments on her husband, Stephen Mitchell’s translation of the “Tao Te Ching.” The repeated emphasis of her acceptance of the world exactly as it is inspires me and I would love to get through this day completely accepting my own disorganization.

I’ve put my four-year-old grandson’s birthday card to his grandpa, laboriously printed on bright yellow construction paper, in a prominent place to remind me of the joy of the last two weeks. Now it’s time to get on with this part of my life.

If I can figure out how, I’ll move the Twitter posts on to this blog so you and I can both learn about journaling the trip using social media. This is pretty new to me but one thing I did do was more than quadruple the size of my Twitter list during my trip.

This is the first time I’ve had unlimited access to the Internet while traveling. It made the experience different. I think I like it.

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written by Laurie Weiss \\ tags: Personal Growth, Self-Improvement